Yes, it has been five years since my last post – it was only yesterday that I understood that harmonising dissonance is deeper than I had imagined when I first started this site. It seems to me this morning that the work I have done in this area so far has just been tinkering at the surface – but then something came together last night and I now have an experience of what our work actually means.
It started simply enough as a text from my friend S, who had been going through a tough time. She was so happy, relating how good it felt for her to re-connect to her spiritual base: when I read what she had written, instead of being joyful for her, something arose in me that was pretty nasty and I wanted to mock her. After trying to breath some space around the nastiness I was carrying (you know the drill – sitting with it, allowing it, owning it, not-pushing-it-away) a connection came – similar stimulus and reaction … only reversed.
I remembered the time two years ago when I was in my spiritual base, had prayed and performed a service – I texted to S, “I felt I had been heard” when she later spoke with me on the phone, she mocked my words and it felt just awful. I didn’t have the courage to call her on this – as a good friend might do. Instead, I worked on composting the feelings – in the same way that I was composting vegetable peelings, breaking them down, and returning them to the garden – as a metaphor. I had thought that this was what I needed to do to bring dissonance into harmony – my part to play. This had become my preferred method for harmonising the bad stuff. (The intention was good, and though the method wasn’t particularly effective 🙂 it did help me stay in friendship with the people around me.)
In the remembering, understanding came and in breathing, the nastiness disappeared.
While writing this, I recall another connection that had happened about 18 years ago about a ritual cleansing of a space … but that is not my story to tell.
All I can say is that this dissonance has a lineage – scorn passed on like a virus – infecting something held dear. The healing is the realisation that what is most sacred is not really harmed.
And harm becomes Harmony.